Pickup lines of Indian entrepreneurs #startups #funny

I love to beat a dead horse and a meme to death. Given how much I like to stereotype, I think the fictional entrepreneur from each city in India will possibly use these pickup lines to get attention from the opposite sex.

Bangalore: She will most likely meet you at a traffic jam someplace, riding a Kinetic Honda and you the smarty pants guy she’s trying to woo are on a sports bike. While every car and bus driver is right behind honking like there’s no tomorrow, she pulls out her smart phone – (Android dude, iPhone is for the Mumbai-types) and shows you the traffic sensor app she has built in just 4 weeks, which tells you what the traffic patterns are in M G Road, and while she’s at it, she’ll also tell you to come to the side of the road, and in 10 minutes flat, she’ll root your phone, install Zomato to check out the best places to eat in Indiranagar or Koramangala and then drop the line “Do you want to come and work at my startup”?

Chennai: He’s likely to meet you at the Marina beach, taking the bus from Anna Nagar, where he stays with his 3 other bachelor friends. He’ll notice that you have 3 other friends who you came to just hangout with, and try and get your attention by ordering “sundal” but constantly looking at his smartphone to find the next Rajini saar joke that he can find. He’s hoping his laughter will pique your curiosity, and you’ll ask him what’s so funny. While he’s likely to tell you 2-3 of the Rajnikanth jokes, he’ll also ask you for your “Kulam, Gowthram“, etc. just so he knows that you’ll pass his parents approval. Finally after you expect him to ask you for your phone number, he’ll say “What’s your parents’ number? I want to give it to my parents”.

Hyderabad: She’s extremely rich and decked in 2 tons of gold, and the daughter of a very rich man who’s made a lot of money in real estate, agriculture or owns many wine stores in Andhra. Her startup is her way to “show” her dad that she can do something on her own. While she wont tell you she’s passed from Osmania university and has a MBA from a college in London, she’ll certainly make it a point to ask where you work. When she’s satisfied that you are a “true techie” working at a large company, she’ll drop her line “You want to come to our office for a movie marathon”?

Mumbai: He’s already tired after a 2 hour bus / train commute and is looking for any distraction from his 100 Sq. ft. “Global headquarters” startup office space in Vashi, which seats 10 people. He’ll likely meet you at a coffee shop in Bandra, trying to order an exotic drink that the “Bangalore-types” just dont get. While the drink is being prepared, he’ll order a vada-paav as well, and see that you are standing in the line behind him. He’ll pull out his iPad and show you the pre-release version of a movie that his startup is the online partner for, and try to see if that gets you to think that he can give you a “chance” to be in a Bollywood flick. His line is very well rehearsed, “Do you want to catch a movie next Saturday? I can get us invitations to the first screening”.

Delhi: She’s with 3 other friends, at Ambience Mall using the coupons from a daily deals site, when she notices you. She’s dressed really well, possibly in the high street fashions from Kimaya and that’s really surprising given she’s an entrepreneur. In her attempt to prove that she’s worth your time, she’ll loudly speak on the phone “Just ask him to call my assistant and she will connect him to the information minister’s office”  (with a hint of a humble brag for good measure). Before she can finish the sentence though, the phone will ring and the sheepish grin will reveal that she wasn’t really talking to anyone at all. She’ll offer to buy you coffee and will make it a point to let you know that her startups is both making revenues and is profitable, which should convince you that she’s worth dating. Of course her pickup line is still “I know the Deputy Commissioner of Police, so I’ll be able to get us parking in anyplace in Gurgaon”.

Pune, Kolkata and others, feel free to write your own pick scenarios and I’ll link to them all. Just drop me a note on twitter.

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