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WhatsApp – Why u no online? [Satire]

WhatsApp – Why u no online? [Satire]

The most eminent disaster that could happen to humanity has just been revealed. Yes,you heard it right. No it’s not the nukes nor the jihadi’s. No it’s not the end of the world either. It’s not at all Justin bieber. It’s the most integral part of our life. It’s social networking. (A salute to those who thought food was integral. I can still have faith in humanity).

Whatsapp, the most popular mobile messaging app, crashed recently, just 3 days after being purchased by Facebook for for $16 Billion ($19 Billion, if you actually follow blogs like ours). Moments after it crashed, Facebook and Twitter were flooded with status updates and speculations. It was more viral than Barack Obama becoming president or hurricane Katrina could ever be.


Crashing of WhatsApp was the most diverse opportunity for many players in the market – Telegram, BBM, WeChat, Kik finally got a chance to compete.

In fact for the first time, Parineeti Chopra used WeChat. But this was probably because WhatsApp doesn’t work in China and she had racked up some Chinese admirers after Hasee to Phasee.

Durex Condoms used the opportunity to it’s advantage as well:


A lot of people felt it was purposely shut down by Zuckerberg to bring some traffic on Facebook. Well, these were the people who are technologically retarded enough to say that. The owner of Snapchat was feeling relieved that he didn’t sell his company to Zuckerberg. For the first time in history, founders of WhatsApp, Brian Acton told Jan Koum to kik his ass for WhatsApp was down.


People started begging Zuckerberg not to buy Twitter too, for it may complete the WTF trilogy – Whatsapp. Twitter. Facebook. Wtf of human life. BBM, an app murdered by WhatsApp just could not stop grinning. Karma is a bitch, they said.

The political scenario of India was also moved. NaMo chose to compare WhatsApp’s performance with Gujarat’s development, and how they had power supply 24 hours while WhatsApp could not even buy an invertor. RaGa took credit of the RTI and how the people could now file an RTI against WhatsApp. Arvind Kejriwal, who owe their elections to WhatsAAP, decided to stage a dharna but gave up the idea as Ram Leela maidan was already booked. But they did announce that they are not afraid of rich people, especially Markesh Zuckerambani.

arvind kejrival whatsapp

But it had a shocking revelation on some people like me that how badly we need to get a life. The moment WhatsApp stops, we take refuge in Facebook/Twitter, refusing to face the real world. We are increasingly becoming the slaves of technology rather than the opposite.