Richie is Group Vice President Cegedim Relationship ManagementI was a nerd in high school.
The type that everyone picked on, even teachers made fun of me, and at the thought of speaking to anyone other than my fellow nerd compatriots I instantaneously perspired. I once fainted in French class during a play rehearsal. Here is how bad it is, my nickname in high school was “cry baby”.
Two decades after, my colleagues find me at events holding people by the hands walking them over to meet others, high fiving CEOs I just met, daring people to tweet selfies of them and me, and increasingly folks ask how I did it.
Seemingly, this former cry baby has somehow become some sort of a networking ninja, but when asked for advice I repeatedly come up empty disappointing advice seekers.
So I spent some time taking inventory of these alleged ninja skills, and here they are:
1. Ask more questions – (most) people feel good when they talk about themselves, ask five questions before you say anything remotely business like. You should have some generic questions ready, do ivy league colleges still matter, what is the optimal amount of kids a couple should have, or silly things like is kaki a color or a fabric. Your “generic” questions are your awesome sauce and you sprinkle them into the basic questions of where do you work, where do you live, and which college you went to. The ninja skill here is to be CURIOUS. People genetically gravitate to people who are curious about them.
2. Be flirtatious and funny – I learned this from reading a book called “The Game” (don’t ask why I read that book) but I learned about kinetics and laughter. You can touch someone in an impersonal way and build kinetics; a high five for example is a simple way to personalize a meeting. Rarely do high fives get rejected. Laughter releases chemicals that help people fall in love with you (ok I stretched there), but you have to learn to make people laugh. If you have not made someone laugh three times, don’t waste time asking for the business card. The ninja skill here is to be MAGNETIC.
3. Volunteer your clout immediately – what I learned is that everyone is trying to meet someone. This means that if you volunteer to introduce someone you just met to someone you have known for a long time, you have just demonstrated value. Of course if you are just starting out and you know no one then this is difficult, but you must at a minimum demonstrate the intent to be a valuable contact and willing to share your current or future network. The ninja skill here is to be of VALUE.
Related: Networking – Top 10 Tips To Increase Your Influence And Grow Your Business
4. Say the words “I want to help” – networking ninjas are the proverbial mother Theresa of the room. When you meet someone they quickly decide if you are a social parasite, a social climber, a social butterfly, just social, or … someone who likes to help folks. Just say the sentence, “I don’t have that many important contacts, but I want to help folks meet them if they so desire” and you have just earned networking ninja status. The ninja skill here is to be of HELP.
5. Ask for a friendship not a business card – too many of us ask for favors before friendships. Friendship is something most of us desire at a deep psychological level. Yet, most of us resist the need to be friends with colleagues. I personally only do business with folks I would consider a friend. Many times this means you have to do “friendly” things together. I make it a habit to deliberately ask to be someone’s friend (“you’re too cool man, hey, I’d love to be friends with a guy/gal like you”) – and that’s ninja. When someone is your friend, you guys are past the business card exchange. The ninja skill here is to be PERSONALBE.
6. Share your deepest passion – I love when I ask someone “what do you do” and they say something like “I rearrange people’s teeth for a living” (dentist), or “I infect young minds to make the world a better place” (teacher) – it shows their passion, not their work. Take a moment to show what you are passionate about, I am passionate about “infecting others with thoughts that builds mental curiosity” – I’m a ninja in training. The ninja skill here is to be PASSIONATE and show it, people aspire to be passionate, or at a minimum gravitate towards passionate personas.
7. Suggest an experience/outcome for follow-up – for follow ups ninjas give the person something to look forward to. Here is an example, instead of saying I will reach out to you, you may want to say I will send you that report we talked about, what is your email address? Or, I am in San Francisco in April is there a place you like that I can buy you lunch at, or (my best) I think you are really going to enjoy meeting “John Doe” I will set up a call with both of you guys and make the introduction. The ninja skill here is to be REMEMBERED.
If you have not done four of the seven above before you take the business card, move on you have lost the battle.
